Murder
by willma
Summary: After one tragic night, Raph is forced to make a choice that changes everything for the Hamato family. Thinking that their two brothers are gone forever, Leo and Raph walk down a dark path. However, when an old enemy returns to New York, secrets are revealed. Secrets that may break the turtles' fragile bond once and for all.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note: Hi guys! So, this is my first fanfic (if you don't count my first story "Never The Same" ) I deleted that story not long after I'd posted the first chapter because, well... the plot was a little too complicated for me. So, I decided to try something easier first =) **

**This is the first chapter but more chapters will be updated soon if you REVIEW PLEEEEEAS! =P**

**Ok I'm done. Tell me what you think. Enjoy!  
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**CHAPTER 1. MURDER**

**Murder**. It's the crime of unlawfully killing a person with malice aforethought; it is something outrageous and blameworthy, the means to take one's life. An unforgivable sin. But, is ending one's life the only way to murder? How can you kill someone without taking away his beating heart, his warm skin? How can you say he's dead while he's still breathing?

"No! I won't leave ya!" Raph cried in one of the many dark alleys of New York City, where an old three storey building mostly made out of wood and stone had been caught on fire. The fire was spreading, eating away all the wood that was left from the old building. He couldn't believe this was happening, not after everything they had been through. He was clenching at his Sais so tight that his knuckles were turning white.

"We won't make it in time Raph!" Leo said trying to keep his head from being buried underneath the big chunks of wood that had fallen over him minutes ago. Raph knew it was his fault. If Leo hadn't pushed him out of the way, that thing would've hit his head, certainly killing him. He looked at Leo. The fire was dangerously close to were he was laying. His green skin was covered with the blood that was gushing out of the wound on his leg. It was sliced open when that thing fell over him. He looked pale, sweat running down his forehead.

"But what bout cha?" Raph said. His voice was urgent. He could see that time was running out. That he needed to get to them before…

"Listen to me! It doesn't matter what happens to me! Go! Before it's too late…Go" Leo's face was now turning white and all the energy was draining out of him, if he had any left that is.

Raph hesitated for another moment, then he nodded hesitantly and said "I'll be back for ya bro" and started running towards the building. At that moment, he made a silent promise to himself; he promised that he'd never let anything happen to his brothers ever again. He heard Leo say something from behind, but couldn't make out what it was.

Raph took a quick glance at the bottom storey of the building just to make sure no one was there; he looked around the area that was once the building's "lobby". He had to find a way to get to the first floor but, he was pretty sure that the elevators wouldn't work.

He spotted some stairs at the corner of the lobby and darted towards them, determined to reach the first floor as fast as he could. Surprisingly, there was only one apartment with an old wooden door on the first floor.

Raph knocked the door open with a kick. He jumped in the room and covered his nostrils with his hand at the smell of the smoke that covered the area. His heart was pumping fast and he could feel the anxiety building in his stomach. The red banded turtle looked around the room that was barely visible through all that fire.

"Don! Mickey! Where are ya guys?" Raph yelled as loud as he could and hoped for an answer but received none. He felt his hand shaking as fear was added to his unbearable anxiety. He felt helpless and couldn't do anything but to run around the empty burning room. Raph flinched as he heard a faint cry from downstairs. Taking one last look to the empty apartment he ran towards the sound. After reaching the lobby again, the voice got stronger and he could hear Mickey crying for help. He picked up his pace. No one hurts his little brothers! The fire had grown even bigger and was now covering almost two thirds of the whole place. The lobby was empty but Raph was sure he had heard his brother's voice.

Suddenly, he heard noises coming from one of the elevators beside him. With a little effort he slid the door open and saw Mickey and Donny not in the elevator but below it. A huge hole had been dug out from the bottom of the elevator and the two turtles were tied up with their shells pressing each other. Raph let out a sigh of relief as he saw that they weren't seriously injured or hurt.

They were hung by their hands from a thick chain that was attached to one of the bars inside the elevator.

"Mickey, Don!" Raph called and bent on his knees to get a better look at his baby brothers.

"Raph!" they both cried as they struggled to move.

"Hang on guys!" Raph said and reached for his Sais to break the chains but remembered that he had left them with Leo. He felt nauseous for a moment as he taught about all that blood that was pouring out of Leo like a river but shook his head and started clutching at the chain, hoping to break it but, the more he pulled the more hopeless the situation got. And by that time Raph was starting to smell something else other than smoke in the air.

It was something that made Raph panic and lose all the colour on his face.

It was gas. "No! This can't be happenin! I have ta save them!" Raph though as he grabbed the chains furiously and pulled it harsher this time.

"Raph" Donny sobbed. "I-it's no use! It w-won't break" Donatello choked seeming to have given up.

And with that, all the hope Raph had in getting all of his brothers out of there "alive" Suddenly faded. As the smell of gas became stronger his vision became blurry. He couldn't hear Don's harsh sobbing or Mickey's cries of distress. Suddenly the smoke didn't bother him either. He knew that without a miracle, nothing could save his brothers. Raph couldn't think straight. He gripped the chains once more and pulled with all his might and by that time, the smell of gas had become so strong that he was having trouble breathing.

At that moment, an agonizing cry snapped him back to reality. He heard the sound of wood cracking and another cry followed after. "Leo!" Raph was reminded of his older brother that was lying outside the building helplessly with fire surrounding him from every corner, burning him alive. It was that moment when Raph's mind went Blank. Empty…Nothing.

By the time he realized what he had done; he was taking cover behind the closest dumpster to the now exploded building, his Sais on the ground with one of them broken and an unconscious, heavily bleeding Leo cradled in his arms.

He had done it. He had abandoned his two baby brothers. He had left them with a mortified look on their faces, dashing out of the door and running to a burning Leo. He had used one of his Sais to move the heavy wood chunks and with the strength which he didn't know he had left, he had literally thrown them out of the way; picked Leo up in his arms, ignoring the fire that burnt his own skin and took cover behind the dumpster as fast as he could before hearing the burnt building crash and explode in the dark of night. The sound of sirens could be heard in the background.

Right then, he didn't know what was worse; the fact that he had abandoned his brothers, that he had chose one brother over two, that Leo's bleeding was getting worse and this time there was no Donny to fix them up. What was worse? Not hearing his baby brother's annoying jokes all day or Donny's random rants about his latest invention. Yes, they were all extremely painful facts but … he couldn't feel them. He couldn't feel the pain that should've broken his heart, taking away his breaths and letting his tears fall. He couldn't feel anything at all.

If this was going to destroy them then,why had he done it? why had he abandoned the two precious things to them. To he knew.

He knew…

He was a **murderer** and was, now and forever **numb**.

**Soooo... How was it? good? bad? terrible? should I delete this one too?**


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Note: hey everyone! Well first of, I wanted to thank Moonsetta, Raphs No.1 Girl, raph'sgirl4ever and all those who reviewed my first chapter! thanks guys!**

**So it turns out that I won't be deleting this story after all. yay! *cheers***

**This is the second chapter written from Leonardo's P.O.V. There isn't much action going on in this chapter...I needed to explain a few things before all the new stuff starts happening therefor, I apologise if it's a little boring! just bear with me for a while and I'll promise it'll get better. ( I hope!) **

**P.S the sentences that are written in _Italics_ are Leo's memories of the past. Don't get confused!  
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**OK, enough babbling! here's the next installment .Enjoy!**

** R&R PLEAAAASE !*begs***

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><p><strong>Chapter 2. Guilt<strong>

**Guilt**. It is the fact of being responsible for the commission of an offense. A feeling. A remorseful awareness of having done something wrong or blameworthy. It is a feeling that can cause great pain; It can slowly destroy a person's mind. It can even lead one to the bricks of death only for the sake of being forgiven. But, what if you were not the one to be blamed? What if you you'd never deserved to carry such burden?

Leonardo was guilty. His guilt was slowly, but surly destroying him from the inside out. He had carried this feeling in his heart ever since he had lost his baby brothers, a part of his soul in that fire. He could've freed himself from it long ago but, the pain that this torturous feeling always left was the constant reminder of reality. The reality that had kept him going ever since. Because, Leo knew that as long as he was guilty, as long as he had someone to despise, even if it was himself or the world for playing this cruel joke on him; he could go on. He could live.

The memories of that night still tainted the blue clad turtle's mind. Every time he thought about them, he could feel everything. Every single detail and with every small sensation. The smell of burnt wood mixed with smoke, the heat of the fire, the fear in his heart, the sadness he felt when he realized that he would never see his brothers again. It was as if it was happening all over again. He remembered the anticipation he felt the moment Raph left his side…

_"Save our baby brothers''. Leo's voice was above a whisper. He watched his red banded brother turn away from him and run towards the burning building. when Raph was out of sight, he gently closed his eyes. He always knew that this day would come. A day that he would give up his life for his brothers. He had accepted that fate long ago. And so, he was lying on the ground; surrendering himself to the fire that would soon take over him, burn his skin and eat him alive. He knew that this was going to happen; he just didn't know that it would hurt this much._

_As moments ticked by, Leonardo's resolve in giving up his life for the grater good started to shake. He had thought that Raphael would find their baby brothers in a matter of minutes since the building was small and Raph was the strongest amongst the four of them. What was taking them so long? The leader's patience was coming to an end as worry filled his heart. He already knew he was going to die but, he had at least hoped to see his brothers one last time to make sure that they were safe. Before he could let go, he wanted to tell them how much they meant to him._

_Leo wasn't sure how much more he could take. His head was pounding and his vision was unclear. It was probably because of the blood that was still pouring out of him, little by little. He was about to give up until a sharp pain shot through his left arm. It was the fire that was burning his skin and tearing his flesh. The pain was so insane that Leonardo found himself screaming over and over again; Stirring from side to side, trying to move away from the hellish fire. The more he stirred, the more he found it pointless and so he stopped moving and closed his eyes._

_the blue clad turtle thought about his family; his father, his family he had sworn to protect ever since he could walk on his feet. He had given up every thing for their safety; He even had to sacrifice their love for him to do so. As the years went by, he'd become more distant from his brothers and had caused all of them, especially his immediate younger brother Raphael to resent him. But they'd put their issues behind them recently and were starting afresh. They were happy until, everything broke apart._

_And now, as Leo was slowly slipping away and drifting to his eternal sleep, he heard someone. He sounded like Raph. Thank god they were okay. He waited to hear his other two baby brothers but, the only sound he heard was a loud boom. An explosion. And that was the last thing he heard before his mind went blank._

One year had passed since that night. At first, the explosion had been in the front cover of almost all the magazines in New York City'; The news kept reporting about it for one week straight and the investigation for finding any missing bodies carried out for two weeks. But after that, everything was soon forgotten as if it had never happened. But, the memories of that night were sketched in Leonardo's mind so clear that nothing and no one could ever erase them. "I wonder if there will come a day when I too would forget everything" Leo though to himself. But deep down. the blue banded turtle knew that such a thing was impossible.

Leonardo was staring at the ceiling, buried in his thoughts. He had stared at that ceiling for hours everyday, for the past year. He'd stared at it, not because he couldn't keep his eyes off of it but, for he was unable to move. He tore his eyes away from the ceiling and looked at the reason for his lack of movement for the first time in almost two hours. Raphael. His now, one and only baby brother was sleeping beside him on the bed; his head on Leo's plastron; right over his heart. Leo's attention went to his brother as he saw him starting to stir but never moving his head away.

"Mnnn….Nah…Ah!" Raph moaned. Clutching at the bed sheets as he started to shake. Leo didn't react when he did so; he just kept looking at his brother with pitiful eyes. almost immediately after that incident,Raph had stopped sleeping in his own remembered. He could still hear Raph screaming his lungs out in his room. He could still feel the pain. Leo shut his eyes tight and let the memories flow…

_A gasp._

_" Raph! Wake up!"_

_A chocking sound._

_"No! Raph! Breathe….P-please"_

_His face turning blue._

_"You need to breathe damn it! don't hold your breath!"_

_His pulse was weakening._

_"D-don't leave me!"_

_Cries of sorrow.  
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_His pulse was getting weaker._

_" I need you"_

_Whispers…_

_He couldn't feel Raph's pulse anymore…_

Leo shot his eyes open again and tried to push the memories away;They were all in the past after all. He knew better that anyone else that he could not change the past no matter how hard he tried.

Leo knew that the nightmares of that night were still haunting his brother. He knew what Raph was going through and that's why, even if he had to stare at that ceiling for hours or even days… He would. That was because his existence beside Raph was the only thing he had to offer. The only thing he was sure Raph wanted because, other than that there was no way he could know what he really needed. It was the only way for Leo to believe that he was still worth something, anything! A tool to help him with his heavy, eternal guilt. A way to make sure that he wasn't completely and utterly useless. He would never know what Raph really wanted ever again because…

"Are you okay?" Leonardo suddenly said in a gruff voice after being pulled out of his thoughts when he saw Raph stir once more and eventually, opened his eyes.

Raph looked around for a second and then nodded to Leo's question.

Yes. Leo would never because, his brother hadn't spoken a word ever since that accident…one year ago.

Why did Leo feel guilty? Was he really the one to blame? Only he knew.

He knew…

He was **guilty**. He was now and forever **useless**.

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><p><strong>Soo how was it? Not too boring right?<strong> **Reviewwwws NOW! =p**


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's Note: Hey guys! Sorry it me longer to update this time. Blame it on yourselves! If you guys had left me more reviews, I would've updated sooner *mad* . **

**Thank you Raphs No.1 Girl for being the only one who reviewed! I like Raph too. he's my 2nd favorite right after Leo! so yeah, I like torturing them. * giggles***

**Ok, so this chapter is longer than the other two. but, it can be a little confusing because Raph keeps thinking of the stuff from the past. remember, the sentences written in _Italics_ are Raph's memories/Dreams. Oh, and watch out for the last page, it keeps jumping from the present to the past. **

**Now here's the next instalment. enjoy! **

**more reviews = faster updates!** ^_^

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><p><strong>Chapter 3. Need.<strong>

**Need**. It is a condition or situation in which something is required or wanted. It is a Necessity, an obligation. When you "need" something or someone, it means that it is so valuable that without it your life cannot be fully gratified nor sustained. But, needing someone doesn't necessarily mean it needs you back. What if one mistake costs you your value? Your worth? What if you are no longer needed? 

_He was walking trough a hallway; It was quiet. He could hear his heart beating faster._

_Tump…_

_The sound of his own heartbeat gave him a sense of comfort._

_He smelt smoke. His path was suddenly illuminated. There was a light coming from the end of that hallway…something compelled his feet to move faster. He didn't know why he was running; He just knew he had to get there. Fear. He was panicking. He could hear voices; why were they so familiar?_

_Tump…_

_The sound suddenly made him hesitate; it was as if an invisible weight had been thrown on his shoulders; it was forcing him to slow down._

_" Raphie! Help!" that voice, who did it belong to? Why did it cause his heart to ache so much?_

_Tump…_

_That heartbeat again… did it really belong to him? Who did it belong to? It didn't matter for some reason he was just glad he could hear it._

_"Raph! Save us!" another voice. It felt just as painful as the last one if not worse. He was running as fast as he could, but why couldn't he see them?_

_Tump…_

_The sound got weaker. Why was it weak? He needed it. He had to hear it. Otherwise he couldn't keep moving forward._

_Tump…_

_All of a sudden, he stopped. He didn't even dare to breath because, two turtles were standing _in front of him_; one with a purple bandana and the other with an orange one. Why couldn't he remember them? Their faces were so familiar. They…they were his…brothers!_

_"Mickey! Donny!" he shouted as loud as he could. He remembered. How could he forget his own brothers?_

_"Hang on ya guys! I'm comin!" he said. But, the moment he started to run, he couldn't hear it anymore._

_The heartbeat! It was gone. No! He needed it. He had to hear it! If not, he wouldn't be able to save his brothers. The weight would bring him down._

_He stopped again. But this time, he wasn't looking at his brothers. He was looking at the path behind him. If he ran back, would he be able to hear it again? What was he doing? They were his brothers and they were right in front of him, so why couldn't he move? Just who exactly did this sound belong to? Why was it confusing him?_

_"Raphael" someone was calling him; this time he realized who it was. Truth was, he had made his choice the moment he had heard it. He looked at his brothers' one more time; he could see the betrayal they felt visible in their eyes. The confusion. The sorrow._

_"Mnnn….Nah…Ah!" he made a painful moaning sound; he couldn't keep the pain his heart was feeling inside any longer._

_With one final look at his brothers he turned around and started running back. He felt tears running down his face. Tears he could not shed when he was awake. He now knew that this was a dream. A nightmare, forcing him to choose between his brothers over and over again. But, he would choose to follow the heart beat, Leo's heartbeat every time. Because, he needed it._

He opened his eyes. His head was spinning. He was lying on a bed. Wrapped around his big brother's arms.

Yes. He would choose Leo every time. Because he knew that if Leo was gone, if his heart had stopped beating in that building one year ago ; he couldn't keep on living either. He couldn't live in this world knowing that he would never see Leonardo again. Although the red banded turtle loved all of his brothers and even though he used to constantly fight with his eldest brother, he had grown attached to him so much that he couldn't let him go.

"Are you okay?" Leonardo suddenly said in a gruff voice. Raph looked at his surroundings once more before nodding.

"Then get up. I'm going to start making breakfast." Leo said in a cold voice. He got up and opened the door using a force more than necessary and closed it the same way without taking a second look at his younger brother.

Yes. This was Leo, his kind and gentle brother was now replaced with a cold, ruthless stranger. His eyes that once held so much love and compassion, the same eyes that made Raph abandon his baby brothers for, were now dark. Emotionless.

That night, right after the explosion, He remembered carrying Leo's limp body in his arms. If he couldn't see his chest slightly rise and fall he would think he was dead. Leo was bleeding. The red clad turtle was surprised he even had any blood left. He remembered not spending a single second to watch his brothers' burn and turn into nothing more but ashes along with the building. He remembered standing up, gathering his broken Sais and heading home with his unconscious brother still cradled in his arms. Raph didn't' feel anything. No pain no sorrow… he was just numb. And he stayed that way from then on. He remembered going home and facing an awfully worried master splinter hurry towards them, but even then, he still… felt numb.

Raphael finally got off the bed and headed towards the kitchen, expecting to see Leo making breakfast but, all he saw was a bowl of cereal and a plate with two pancakes in them. Raph pulled a chair, sat down and started eating his cereal right away as if it was his duty to finish it in less than five minutes. He could hear the sound of weapons hitting the training models with full force. Raph drank the milk to the last drop and put the dishes in the sink, opened the tap and let the water flow; as water flowed from the tap, so did his memories…

_"My son, what in the world happened to you?" splinter asked in a very anxious tone._

_The red banded turtle ignored the question. He knelt down and gently placed Leonardo on the ground._

_Splinter gasped as he saw exactly how bad Leo's injuries were. "My dear boy! How did it come to this?" Splinter said and rushed to Leo's side._

_"Where are Michelangelo and Donatello? Have they returned yet?" Splinter asked, sounding hopeful while placing a hand on Leo's forehead._

_Raph didn't reply this time either. He couldn't think of anything. He wasn't even sure he heard the question. The numbness was so great that he had a hard time understanding the whole situation._

The sound of wood cracking, followed by a loud roar snapped Raph back to reality.

He realized that he had let the water run for way too long. After closing the tap, he calmly headed towards the dojo and found Leo lying on the ground with sweat covering his whole body. The red banded turtle wasn't even mildly surprised to find his brother in such state; after all, it was a daily routine. And so, he did what he did everyday; he walked into the dojo, helped Leo up and threw one arm around his neck to support his brother from falling and headed for the couch. The red banded turtle helped his eldest brother lie down on the couch; he poured him a glass of water and placed five raw almonds on the table in front of them. He then walked away quietly, Heading to the dojo.

Although his brother made him regular food everyday, the only things he ate himself after losing their brothers were only liquids and different types of nuts.

When he reached the dojo, he took a deep breath and prepared himself to face the mess Leo had caused this time. There were five broken training models at one corner of the room; he sighed and started cleaning up, gathering the wood chunks and sweeping the floor. He used to be the one to get mad and lose his temper, the aggressive one. He was the one who broke things but Leo fixed them. Not only did Leo fix the things he broke, he also tried to fix him up. His brother had always tried to see past through his war mask. The one he wore to protect himself; to keep himself from getting hurt. But, Leo had always somehow managed to take a peek at what was inside of him and that, was why Raph had always tried to push him away, to question his leadership, his authority and most of all, his brotherhood. Because, he couldn't stand to get hurt. Not by his brother. Not by his family.

"Are you ready?" Raph turned around and saw his older brother who was standing firmly at the door; his muscles tense as if he was ready to jump in a battle.

The red clad turtle only looked at him.

"Then finish up in five minutes. I'll be at the door." Leo said and without another word, turned around and walked away. With just one look, Leo could read his mind; he had gotten used to Raph's silence long ago.

After cleaning up, the red banded turtle got up and grabbed his weapon. He now used one sai instead of two as he never fixed the broken one. Actually, there wasn't much need for a weapon. Nothing would happen anyway. No matter how much his brother tried, nothing would happen .he walked out of the room and went to meet his brother.

...

They were running in the dead of night; jumping from one rooftop to another. Leo didn't say anything and Raph kept following him like he always did; they kept running until they reached it. The building. The place where they had lost everything. The building was now under heavy construction.

But, no one worked there at night and that was when he and Leo would come, he would stand there and the blue banded turtle would shout, mostly to himself than their enemies. Leonardo still believed that his brothers were alive and Raph, was the turtle responsible for such beliefs…

_"Where are Michelangelo and Donatello? Have they returned yet?" Splinter asked in a hopeful voice while placing a hand on Leo's forehead._

_Raph didn't reply this time couldn't think of anything. He wasn't even sure he heard the question. The numbness was so great that he had a hard time understanding the whole situation. All he knew was that he couldn't change what had already happened but, he could prevent it from happening again. and thus without a word, he gently lifted Leo up and headed to donatello's, his brother's lab._

_He had decided to shut down his mind in hopes that the numbness of his body and the blankness of his mind could help him deny everything. And so, even when he looked around the room to find the first aid kit, he felt memories, no pain, nothing.  
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_Leo was still unconscious so it was easy to inject the morphine tranquilizer in his leg. After cleaning his brother's wounds and bandaging them tightly, he saw splinter walk in the room, clearly waiting for an explanation which he couldn't give. Splinter opened his mouth to say something but stopped when he heard small groans coming from Leo. he and master splinter, both hurried to his side and watched as he slowly opened his eyes and hissed at the pain he felt. He met Raph's eyes and for some reason his eyes widened. As if he knew everything._

_"R-raph? W-where are they?" Leo asked hesitantly and with that, Raph found himself gritting his teeth and shaking furiously._

"HEY! I'M BACK!" he was pulled out of his thoughts by Leo's loud voice. He realized that they were standing there for a while and that Leo was doing what he did every would Shout. Shout and call out their enemies. the ones who had desapeared along with their brothers.

_"Raph? Why aren't you talking? Were are Mickey and Don?" his voice was cracking._

"I'll keep coming back until you show up!" The blue banded turtle yelled. Raph knew that his brother needed to do this.

_"Tell me! Tell me what happened?" Leo took him by the shoulder and started to shake him hard._

"I won't give up you son of a bitch! I'll find you!" He threatened. His eyes were gleaming with rage.

_"Did- did something happen?" Leo was screaming. His wounds were starting to bleed again._

"Show your self! Tell me! Why them? Why didn't you kill me? I know you wanted me dead!" Leo's voice was now so loud that his ears were ringing.

_"What-" Leo's cries were interrupted by Raph._

_"They were murdered." This was the first and last thing he said after that night. He wished it was just a nightmare. He wished he could wake up and see all of his brothers at the table again, having breakfast; with splinter watching his favorite T.V show. But the Tears that were now falling down Leo's face, his agonizing cries, followed by the sound of splinter's sobs, reminded him that everything was real._

"I'll never forgive you!"

Raph never spoke again. Not one word.

"I'll find you!"

He was afraid.

'I'LL kill you!"

He was afraid that once the truth was out, his brother would disappear.

"I'll have my revenge!"

He was afraid because…

"I'll never stop! I'll never forgive the ones who did this! I swear on my father's grave that I'll make you pay for the things you've done Shredder!

He would no longer be **needed**.

Two buildings away, he was watching them. He was watching his enemies. The ones he soon had to eliminate .But, what was it about them that was making him feel so helpless? So uneasy? Just exactly who were these strangers?

The two brothers were desperate for an answer but, some things are better left unanswered.

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><p><strong>SOOOO? how was it? tell me what you think! <strong>

**P.S you'll find out what happened to Splinter in the next chapter!**

**oh, and unless I get at leat 3 riviews I won't update. ( I know! I'm needy =)**


	4. Chapter 4

**Author's Note: hey everyone! I am soo very sorry for the late update! although I promised to update faster if you review, but I ended up doing the opposite hehe... Um, personally, I don't like this chapter a lot but it was necessary to be here so bear with it! =P **

**Special thanks to Raphs Girl No.1 for supporting this story and to Amonraphoenix and Mensis Eclips for reviewing!**

** OK, so I originally intended for this chapter to be from Leo's P.O.V. along with flashbacks of what happened to Splinter. but i ended up writing from someone else's P.O.V. Guess who? Ya know... The guy in the shadows, the one who was totally stalking our two favorite turtles in chapter 3 remember? just to remind you that this story does NOT have a main OC character so the person here is someone you know! **

**Second reminder: the sentences written in _Italics_ are "that guy's" memories okay?**

**OK, I'm done! REVIEW PLEAAASE. review and tell me this chapter was a mess! **

**Enjoy! **

**oh oh! I almost forgot!**

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN THE TURTLES! ( If i did, the whole story would be a tragic tearjerker )**

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><p><strong>Chapter 4. Exhaustion<strong>

**Exhaustion**. It is a specific form of human inadequacy in which the individual experiences an aversion to exertion and feels unable to carry on. Such feelings may be generated by muscular effort, pain, anxiety, fear or boredom. It is a state of extreme physical or mental fatigue. What happens when one is exhausted beyond words? What if he had mentally strained himself for too long? Would he keep on pushing forward or would he let it all go?

Exhausted. The mutant turtle was utterly and entirely exhausted. But, having an oppressive, eight hour training every morning, attending a series of stressful, but essential therapy sessions all day and finally, taking part in multiple life threatening missions late at night, had nothing to do with it.

His name was Takeo. Takeo, son of Ouroku Saki and future successor of the Saki enterprise. He, along with his brother, had been taken in and adopted by Saki at the age of two and ever since then, they had devoted their life into serving their father and master. They'd lived happily with their family for almost fourteen years until one fated night had changed everything as they were kidnapped, tortured and imprisoned by their enemies.

During that time, they'd been broken by their hands while being brainwashed to the point where their life was slowly forgotten and their memories became a haze. He, and his brother were luckily found and brought back home after betraying their father and serving the enemy for one year time.

Not long after returning home, the Saki enterprise had vanished from New York and had been in hide out in Japan for another year in order for the two of them to receive the treatment they needed. And so, after being brainwashed again, they had discovered about their true identities and were reunited with their family. Now, after one year of constant training and recovering, they were back. Back for revenge. He knew that nothing could stop them from getting even with the ones responsible for taking away one year of their life. A life which he had came to know only after being rescued. A life which he had no memories of.

He was kneeling on the floor, in an empty room with nothing but a Japanese table at the center. The whole area was dim; there was light coming from the five small candles that were flickering on the table. This place was what his master called "the confrontation room" but he had no clue to why he was summoned there. After all, he had done everything he was asked, without questioning a single order.

Takeo didn't like this room. He remembered the last time he was summoned there, the night when he did something horrible. The night he completely lost his conscious, his innocence...

_"Who's there?" the foot soldier asked the figure standing in the shadows._

_"Relax. It's just me." He answered, took a step forward and smirked at the soldier's reaction._

_"M-master Takeo! My apologies… I wasn't informed you would be here tonight." the foot soldier explained and took a step aside._

_"That's alright. Just make sure it won't happen again. Now tell my father I'm here." Takeo said in a dangerous voice. The soldier bowed and quickly knocked the door._

_"Tell him to come in" A voice replied from behind the door._

_Takeo took a deep breath and walked into the room. He Looked around and saw his father and older brother sitting around a round Japanese table at the center of the room._

_"Ah, there you are Takeo. What took you so long?" Ouroku Saki asked and pointed to the place beside him as a sign for him to sit._

_"I had to take care of some casualties. It took me longer than I expected" Takeo explained and went up to them. He sat down next to his brother and exchanged a confused look with him._

_"So what's with the sudden gathering father? Is there something wrong?" Takeo asked impatiently._

_"Not anything in particular." His father answered, looking amused. "But there is a certain task that I wanted Satoshi to accomplish and I thought it was best if you could be here to watch." He looked at Satoshi and smiled._

_"Father what d-do you mean?" Satoshi asked in a low voice._

_"Well, you two have been back for three months now, and although I see that you both are working very hard to get back to the life you had before, I can't help but notice that you Satoshi, unlike your brother, are not doing very well." Saki explained while looking at Satoshi with a strange smile creeping on his face. He snapped his fingers and suddenly two foot soldiers appeared dragging a teenage boy along. He and Satoshi stood up._

_Takeo felt strange. A shiver crept down his spine. What was his father thinking? Surely it was not to…_

_"Now Satoshi, come here and prove your loyalty to me" Saki said and signaled the soldiers to bring the boy closer. Now that he was in front of them, Takeo could see the boy's features clearly. He was wearing a ragged T-shirt and torn up jeans; there were multiple bruises and scars on his face and arms; blood was also spilling from two large, but not lethal wounds on both of his knees. He was thin and from the looks of it, he probably hadn't eaten anything for a while. What Saki said next, brought Takeo's attention back to him._

_"Kill him my son. Kill him and prove me that you have forgotten about your time with our enemies last year." Saki said as he put a hand on Satoshi's shoulder, encouraging him to move forward._

_Takeo froze. Did their father really want this boy dead? Or was it just to test his brother's loyalty?_

_The boy was moping. Takeo could see small tears running down his cheek. He was just a kid. An innocent young boy._

_"Bring my sword. I want my son to kill him with my own weapon" Saki ordered one of the soldiers that were guarding the boy. He returned in a few moments, carrying a double bladed sword with him. He bowed and handed it to their father._

_Saki grabbed Satoshi's had who was then, starting to look pale and helped him wrap his fingers around its handle._

_" F-father please… Is there another way for me to-" Satoshi was caught off by their father._

_"No, there is no other way Satoshi. Now grab this sword and cut his head off now before I'm disappointed any further" Saki was now looking impatient._

_"N-no!" Satoshi said._

_At that moment, Takeo felt strange. It was as if a red curtain was being pulled in front of his eyes, making him confused._

_"Do it!"_

_He couldn't think clearly; all he knew was that he had to help his brother. He had to relieve him from this burden._

_"If you don't do it I'll take it as a betrayal to the family Satoshi!"_

_He moved forward; the red curtain was blocking his eyes and his mind. Darkness was taking over his heart._

_"But I ca-"_

_Slash…._

_Tump…_

_Blood._

_"TAKEO!"_

That was the night Takeo lost his conscious. The night he murdered an innocent person in cold blood; he did it to save his older brother, He did it, so he would be the one to dirty his hands, to dirty his soul. After that night, his heart suddenly felt empty and the little compassion he had left was gone; it was gone and replaced by darkness and hatred.

And now there he was sitting the same room, in the same place for the second time. The sound of the door shook him back to reality. His father was wearing a black kimono that had a golden foot symbol at its back. Saki smirked and walked into the room; he gave Takeo a small nod and sat in front of him, at the table.

"How was your late training Takeo?" Saki asked in a calm voice.

If by "Late training" his father meant the goons he just killed an hour ago for betraying the Saki household, then it was just fine. Killing people had become an everyday routine for him months ago. But Takeo didn't tell him that.

"I didn't run into any problems father" He explained, hoping his father wouldn't ask further, especially about where he was last night.

"I see." Saki said and then he looked straight into Takeo's eyes; a smile was formed on his face.

"I've heard from my men that you've sneaked out with some of the speed ninjas last night and went to that building" Saki said accusingly, but the smile never left his face.

"Did you go there to see our enemies?" His father asked with an overly amused tone.

"I'm sorry father I-I just wanted to see the ones who almost destroyed me and my brother for myself." Takeo suddenly wished he hadn't brought the speed ninjas along; those bastards can't even keep their mouths shut. He would deal with them later but, now he was starting to fear whatever punishment his father had planed for him in that room.

Saki laughed and said "don't be scared son, your not here to receive a punishment; in fact, I summoned you here to tell you that it is time."

"Time for what father?" Takeo asked, still confused of his father's reaction.

"It is time for us to reveal ourselves publicly again. I'm going to announce my relationship to you and Satoshi for the first time in public tomorrow." Saki answered and stood up.

Takeo jumped up and asked "Father how could you? H-how could we reveal ourselves to the world while being tur-"

"Don't worry my son; your brother has already worked on a device that could transform you into humans temporarily" Saki caught off his words.

"But if we are to go public, then that means that we are informing our enemies of our return to New York"

Saki let out a long laugh and finally said "Exactly. We are going to have our revenge on those foolish creatures" he sounded somewhat evil.

"I'll leave you to clear your mind. Make sure to tell your brother what I told you." He then, walked towards the door but turned around mid way and said "Oh, and Takeo? We're appearing before the press tomorrow morning so, sleep early." He turned around and left the room, shutting the door behind him.

Takeo couldn't speak. His mind was exploding. He had mentally strained himself for too long. Too long, only for the sake of an answer, a glimpse from his past. He had tried so hard to remember. To remember his life, a life before this, that is. His life before a year full of recovery, bone breaking trainings and ruthless killing. But no matter how hard he tried to feel something, something other than emptiness, he felt nothing. Nothing until last night; the night he had went to see the ones who kidnapped him and Satoshi last year. But the moment he saw their faces from behind the building, he felt strange. He felt a sudden rush of heat, of emotion and of love in his heart; but, it was gone as soon as it

came and Takeo was again left with a dark and hardened heart.

That feeling had left Takeo wondering. Wondering about the truth; were they really Orouku Saki's adopted sons? Were they somehow related to those creatures? Was there something they didn't know?

Takeo was **exhausted**. he was exhausted of the constant battle that took place in his mind every time he obeyed his father's orders. He was tired of thinking about the right and wrong. He just…wanted to let go.

...

From behind the shadows, in the confrontation room, Karai was looking at the turtle with a sad expression. She had listened to Saki's conversation with him the whole time. Her father was going too far with this game…

Was she going to stop him? Or was she going to watch exactly how far the game could go…

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><p><strong>How was it? It was bad wasn't it? =,(<strong>

**Oh, the names used for the two brothers ( I think you all know who they are LOL! their Mickey and Don DUH!) were chosen intentionally for their meaning.**

** SATOSHI (聡):Japanese name meaning " The wise one" **

**TAKEO (1-剛雄, 2-武雄): Japanese name meaning " Violent male warrior" **

**P.S I'm very sorry for turning the innocent and always cheerful Mickey to this cold, ruthless, well...MURDERER!  
><strong>

**I won't update unless I get reviews! =)**


	5. Chapter 5

**Author's Note: Hey peeps! Chapter five is here! *CHEERS* **

**I enjoyed writing this chapter A LOT! It's probably cuz I like describing the characters feelings more than describing what's happening in each scene. And this one is very emotional! **

**Ok, so there isn't a lot of action going on in this chap; most of it is about what happened to splinter from BOTH LEO'S AND RAPH'S P.O.V .  
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**Italics= Leo/Raph memories. **

**Oh! almost forgot! Thanks a million to Raphs No.1 Girl for reviewing. you rock! this chap is for you! =) **

**DISCLAIMER: ( I don't own the turtles! Though I tried to steal them a couple of times=)  
><strong>

**ENJOY! **

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><p><strong>Chapter 5. Loss. <strong>

**Loss**. The act or the instance of losing. It is the condition of being deprived or bereaved of something or someone. Everyone would eventually experience this feeling, the feeling of letting go of the one precious to them. After all, this is how the world balances itself out; what you call the cycle of life. When one loses every thing until there is nothing else to be taken away, he starts to slowly lose his motivation and his thrive to live. What if, it was not the time to give them up? What if, you had no choice but to let them go?

Everything… Hamato Leonardo had lost everything. All the things he held dear, they were gone. Gone without a warning or an explanation; without a single reason as to why they didn't hold on, why they'd easily let go. Why their loved ones left them, without saying "I love you" back? "They were selfish." Leonardo thought. How dare they leave without saying goodbye? Goodbye…

_Cough._

_"Leonardo, my son…It is time…"_

_"N-No! p-please master! Hang on! I-I beg you!"_

_How many times had he pleaded?_

_"Shh...My dear boy. My poor, precious Leonardo, I- I've wronged you… This old rat has wounded you with so many invisible, yet irreversible wounds… It was all because of my g-greed"_

_Cough._

_"N-no… Don't say that! I- I need you master!"_

_How many times had he said he needed them?_

_"It was my greed that stood in the way… clouded my judgment, clouded my love for you. I- I wanted my sons to be like my own master. I wanted t-them to walk the path I always dreamed of walking, to do the things I was never able to do. I wanted your brothers to be strong warriors; I wanted you to become a great master ,one who could never be broken, one who could proudly protect his sensei and his family. I-"_

_Cough._

_gasp._

_"Say no more, father! You are not at fault…I- I failed you"_

_He had said those words over and over again._

_"No son let me speak. I have to get this burden of my shoulders-" cough. "During all these years, you have fulfilled my dreams. The dreams I so desperately wanted to come true. You never questioned me; even when I buried with training and separated you from your brothers…even when I made you grow up far before your time, you still…believed that you were doing it for the greater good. You…"_

_Tears._

_Whimpers._

_"But father...No matter what, I-I l-love you "_

_He had said those three words many times. Many times, without thinking twice. It was because of his family; they were his life. He existed only to love them…._

_"Leonardo…T-there is a letter I wanted you both to have… y-you must read it! Both of you must read that letter… promise me that you and your brother will do as I say…"_

_Tears…_

_"Yes. I promise father."_

_"My dear boy… I'm so very proud of you. Of you, and your brother Raphael. Please go get him so this old rat could see him one last time…I have something very i-important to say to him. y-you must hear this."_

_Cough._

_Shake._

_More tears…_

_He remembered walking to the door; opening it with trembling hands. He remembered hearing what he had always dreaded to hear from his master…_

_"My son? I-I regret making you this way…I am very sorry."_

_He remembered freezing the moment he heard those words. He was sorry? His master was trying to say more but the blue-clad turtle couldn't bear to hear the rest. Those three simple words were the only things that caused Leonardo to finally snap._

_He didn't say anything else. He closed the door without another word and saw his soon to be only member of the family in front of the door, kneeling on the floor, looking broken and defeated and making the remaining pieces of Leonardo's broken heart to shatter …_

Everything… Hamato Raphael had thrown everything away. All the things he held dear, they were thrown away. He'd abandoned them without a warning or an explanation; without a single reason as to why he didn't hold on, why he'd easily let go. Why he left his loved ones behind, without ever saying the words "I love you". "I was selfish." Raphael thought. He'd thrown them away without ever saying goodbye. Goodbye…

_He was kneeling on the floor, in front of that room. The room where his father laid dying on his deathbed. The red-banded turtle wanted to see him; he wanted to go in there and throw himself into his father's gentle, yet protective arms one last time. He could drown himself in his father's love and forget about everything that had happened; he could forget his brothers, his difficult choices and his sins. It was just a door. The only thing separating him from the remaining members of his family was merely a thin door and yet, the red-clad turtle couldn't move an inch. He had no right to anyways._

_ The lair had been dead quiet just a few minutes ago; they were all drowning in their grief. It was quiet until they had heard master splinter calling for them; it'd been clear to both of them that something was wrong with their sensei. His brother had rushed into the room without hesitation but Raphael just stood there feeling more broken than he'd ever felt. There were a lot of things that the red-clad turtle was sorry about. He was sorry for not being able to be by his father's side in his last moments. But, it was for the best. Raph knew that he wasn't qualified to be master splinter's "son" anymore nor he was fit to be Leonardo's "brother". _

_Because, along these simple words, comes great responsibility; for one to be able to bear that kind of thing, certain traits and qualifications are always needed. The first one is compassion; The one trait Raphael thought he never had. Although he loved his brothers and father to death, he would never express his feelings through words, he never would because, words are one of the few tools that carry a great deal of attachment along. Through one spiteful word, you can make an enemy, through one hurtful comment, you can bring pain to your loved ones, and through one loving sentence you can form a powerful bound._

_ Raphael hated those words for if they were spoken by the wrong person, they could bring pain and misery along. He knew that he was the wrong person, for he couldn't bear to see those strong bonds break; he couldn't see himself getting destroyed just because he was stupid enough to get too close. He felt weak. That was why, he had always said those nasty words to his family, that was why, he'd always kept a safe distance from his brothers. Raphael was afraid that once he got too attached to them, he wouldn't be able to let go. he was aware of the consequences of trying to relieve himself from his burden, from opening his mouth and whispering the truth. Therefore, the turtle swore to never say a word again. For his sake, and for their sake._

_Leonardo was standing there. Standing in front of splinter's room; standing in front his broken brother._

_"Splinter wants to see you…" Leo said in a harsh tone; tears were forming in his eyes; his whole body was trembling from what he'd heard in that room. He looked at his brother for an answer but received none. Raphael only shook his head, refusing to go to their father._

_It was then, when Leonardo couldn't take it anymore. It was then, where the blue-banded turtle decided to ignore his father's request. The moment when he decided to let their father die alone and even though, he could hear their master saying something from behind the door, he decided that they've had enough. Trembling with pure rage and anger, he began to walk; he could feel Raph's scarred eyes piercing him._

_He ignored it and went straight into the kitchen. Furious, he drew his katanas and started breaking things. The pots, the glasses...he split the table in half; he even sabotaged the fridge …everything he could grab, he broke, and he destroyed._

_How many times had he wished he could run away from his responsibilities? From his position as the group's "leader"? how many time had he asked his master to allow him to be a brother instead of leader?_

_After being done with the kitchen, he moved to the living room. Cutting all the wires, breaking all the TV screens and tearing the couches apart._

_How many times had he begged his master to spend some more time with his brothers? Begging him to let him have fun? Pleading with him to put his trainings aside for a single moment?_

_He left the living room and moved to the bedrooms. Shakily, with tears blurring his vision, he broke the doors, kicked the beds and tore the sheets. He knocked his meditation candles, threw away Raphael's magazines, broke Donatello's small inventions and ripped Michelangelo's comic books._

_How many hours had he spent worrying? Worrying about his brother's safety, worrying about his father's health? Worrying that something or someone would eventually take his family away?_

_He came out of the bedrooms and ran to the lab. His brother's lab. With pain clutching his heart he crushed and destroyed everything on sight._

_After he was done, he finally noticed Raph. He was just kneeling in the same place Leo left him. He looked like an empty shell, A lifeless form. His strong, hotheaded brother looked dead And that scarred Leo for life._

_Their home was destroyed and everything was shattered to pieces. That day, was the last time Leonardo used his katanas; But it didn't stop there. It wasn't over even after Leo slowly walked in the room and found their master, their sensei dead, even after discriminating their beloved father's body and even after gathering his ashes in an antique vase, Leonardo's rage didn't stop._

_The blue-clad turtle soon picked the vase up and went in to the sewers. He looked at it intensely. "It is all master Splinter's fault" Leonardo thought. It was all he could think about. Blaming his father was the only way he could keep himself from falling apart_

_The eldest turtle had so many questions. questions, he thought he would never ask. Why had his master trained him so hard? Why did he keep him away from his brothers all these years in the name of becoming a better leader? Why treat him differently? Why hadn't he let Leonardo be with his brothers while he could; while it wasn't too late to give them their big brother back? _

_Why did his father do all this if he was going to regret it at the end?_

_As Leonardo was going to throw the vase into one of the sewer tunnels, someone grabbed him from the back and snaked his arms around his waist. It was his one and only baby brother who was clutching at him with full slid down the Leader's face.  
><em>

_As Raphael saw his brother looking at their father's ashes, he could feel something throbbing around his numb heart; it was as if thousands of needles were stabbing it with their sharp peaks; pushing the numbness away and forcing him to feel something again. And so he ran to Leo and threw his arms around him, closing his eyes shut; hoping that the numbness would stay. It did._

_Leonardo and Raphael stood there holding the vase for a long time ; the held on to one another for minutes, hours and maybe days. As the two brothers held on to each other, they both realized something; they realized that they needed each other, that they had to be with one another if they intended to survive…_

From then on, the two turtles found it harder to be separated by the day. now, after one year of staying together, no matter how many times Leo said something insulting or Raph stayed silent through all of his brother's questions, they were still inseparable.

After one day of constant screaming and shouting and calling for their enemies; Leonardo and Raphael had fallen both woke up from their dream about their deceased father the next morning and found themselves waking up in each others arms on that that old building's rooftop.

They had suffered from a great deal of **loss** last year; they had to live with that loss for the rest of their lives.

But, What they didn't know was that today was the day they would hear from their old enemy,

The day their lives took an interesting twist.

What they didn't know was that if they had just walked into their master's room that night last year, they wouldn't have suffered at all... If they had just listened to their father's last words from behind the door that night, they would've known the truth...

_"Raphael, Leonardo my dear boys. You must know the truth…Your brothers are alive" That was Splinter's last, unheard words before he drew his last breath. _

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><p><strong>Wheeew! How was it? tell me!<strong>

**My policy: Review=update Don't Review= No updates *MUHAHAHAHA!***


	6. Chapter 6

**Author's Note: I'm back! sorry it took me a whole week to get the next chapter done. I had a lot of stuff to do so I was kinda busy but I'm here now!**

**Thank you Amonraphoenix Raphs No1. Girl for reviewing!  
><strong>

**So, this chapter is mostly taken from Raph's P.O.V. with a little Leo in the middle. you'll be getting some real butt kicking ****soon so keep readingXD**

(** I apologize if i made any spelling/grammar errors cuz I was typing this at 5:00 o'clock in the morning!) **

**Disclaimer: ( don't own any of the teenage mutant ninja turtles. had a baby turtle though it died :(**

**R&R ENJOY! **

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><p><strong>Chapter 6. Punishment <strong>

**Punishment**. It is the infliction or imposition of a penalty as retribution for an offense. It is at the least, a painful act of disciplinary. But what is even worse than punishment itself is Self-punishment, the one you exercise on yourself; a tendency which drives certain subjects to inflict suffering upon themselves and search out painful situations for the purpose of neutralizing a feeling of unconscious guilt. But how long can one hold on to that sense of guilt and self- maltreatment? Just how far would he go to receive redemption for the crimes he did not commit?

"We're being punished"

The vast expanse of inky blackness had darkened as the night went on. In the dead of night, the sun rays had long since disappeared over the horizon to be replaced with thousands of stars. Under the same glittering stars, on a rooftop they stood; dressed in black,all standing in front of two green figures. You could smell the evil on them from miles away. They were there to suppress the innocent. They were there for _them_.

The Sai wielding turtle was on the ground, hunched over someone; his brother. A cool, autumn's breeze brushed across his face; It was covered in dirt and sweat, Crimson blood dripping from his scars. He was shaking furiously and his eyes were moist but the cold had nothing to do with it either of them.

"We're definitely being punished" The red banded turtle thought, still holding on to his brother with dear life. He was praying for help, praying for what he knew was impossible to come true. But any hope he had on making it through the night was gone the moment he saw a man in a metal armor approach. It was him, the Shredder; the one responsible for ruining their lives.

He couldn't believe how ironic the situation was. They'd presumably killed the Shredder countless of times but, not once had they managed to end his life. And now here he was, standing more alive than ever and about to put an end to his, and his brother's life once and for all.

By then, the turtle started laughing like a madman. He laughed and laughed until his sides hurt. He laughed about every single punk he'd beat up at night, every small scar he had received after a fight, every little pain he had felt while trying to protect his family. "After all the shit we've been through, this is what we get for being the good guys." Raph thought to himself.

The shredder looked like he was losing his patience but it was okay since the turtle suddenly couldn't care less if he lived or died, he knew he would at least die with his brother…. Yes, this is how it should be.

The strong smell of Leonardo's blood and Saki's sword descending upon him were the last things the turtle felt before drifting into darkness.

…

(5 hours earlier)

After an entire day of constant screaming, shouting and calling for their enemies; Leonardo and Raphael had both woke up from their dream about their deceased father the next morning and had found themselves in each others arms on that that building's rooftop.

"We need to get going before people can spot us." Leonardo said in an authoritative voice. He saw Raph nod and pick up his Sai before standing up.

Another day had just passed without any word from their enemy and the blue banded turtle was starting to feel devastated.

All of a sudden, an arrow was shot at them; neither moved until it was just few centimeters away from piercing through their heads; with a swift motion, Leo grabbed the flying arrow with his bare hands and broke it into two; a message was attached to it. The eldest turtle quickly unfolded the piece of paper and started reading…

_We're back._

_If you want revenge, come at midnight. I assume you know where._

_~ Oroku Saki_

Leonardo let the message slip from his fingers as he formed them into a fist. Raph didn't even look at the paper. It was as if he was too scared to know what was written inside.

The blue clad turtle decided to break the news to him himself. He couldn't stand to see his immediate little brother so scared, so out of character.

"He's back." Raph flinched at hearing those words.

"You can't even stand hearing his name._ tsk._ You're a bigger idiot than I thought." Leo said cruelly. Raphael just starred blankly. Sometimes he wondered if his little brother was even aware of their situation. After a few minutes of silence Leonardo gave up and started heading back home and of course, Raph followed.

They walked back to the lair quietly; not that they used to have long conversations before, but this time the air between them was heavier than usual.

Leo went straight into the dojo and drew out his weapons. He had a hard time breathing and his mind was a blur. All he could think about was that tonight was the night he'd get to have his revenge on the ones who turned their lives upside down. Leo saw Raph walk in the room wearing an expressionless face. At that moment, the blue banded turtle felt his darkened heart ache. He hadn't thought about his baby brother at all. He hadn't thought of the possibility of never being able to see him again either. Deep inside his heart, he knew that once he walked out of that door, he wouldn't come back. He wished he was able to tell his brother how much he cared for him and how much it broke his heart to see him in that state. He wished he could just throw himself in his arms, ask him to forgive his failure- of- a- brother and cry out to his heart's content. He could hold Raph tight and tell him he needs him, assure him that he wouldn't go anywhere and that he never stopped loving him. It only took Leonardo one word to fix everything, one word to start over. But, he didn't. He couldn't. And so, he did the only thing he could do to protect his brother. The blue banded turtle closed his eyes… Small tears began to slide down his face…

For Raphael, the whole situation seemed to be nothing but one of his terrifying nightmares. At first, the shock of Shredder's return had left him unable to think straight for at least half an hour. But once they were home, the shock had worn off and was replaced by a strong sense of foreboding and fear. For he knew, once Leo gives in to his anger and goes after blood, it would be too late to stop him.

"I'm going" Leo said flatly.

Those two words were all it took for Raph to start imagining the worst. His thoughts must've reflected through his eyes because Leo immediately added,

"I'm going alone"

The turtle's eyes grew wider, fear building in his stomach.

"You didn't think I would bring you with me did you?"

Stare…

"Wake up Raph! You're useless. A pathetic, weak little creature." Leo started circling him around as he spoke.

"You know what? I wish I was the one who died that night…At least then I wouldn't have to watch out for you're ass twenty four-seven"

Raph just looked at him blankly.

"Oh don't you give me that look!" Leo said in a dangerous voice.

"Why did you survive if you knew you were gonna be this way? You should've just died in there like the rest of them…you came back just so you could be a pain in the ass like you've always been!"

Silence…

Stare…

"You know what I wish?" Leo's voice was ringing through the turtle's ears. memories began to flow…

_The young turtle was in distress. It had been a week since they'd lost their father and two brothers but they'd also lost a part of their souls along with them. Nothing was the same anymore; even the lair had a different atmosphere. It felt empty and lifeless as if someone had drained all of the light out, leaving only darkness behind; it was suffocating and Raph couldn't take it anymore. He understood now that he hadn't truly saved anyone that night; he just thought he had because it was the only way to justify his sins. But now, he knew that rescuing Leo and leaving his two brothers to die out there had done more damage than good; It had killed both him and Leo from the inside. The truth was, even though he'd dragged his brother's body away from that hellish nightmare, but his big, supportive, compassionate "Fearless Leader" had been burnt in that hellish fire along with his baby brothers. But even so, he still couldn't regret doing what he did. There was only one way out ; one way to end it all…_

"I wish you'd done it!" His voice was cracking…

_Raphael was going to finish it. The pain, the misery, everything! He slowly walked into his room; he hadn't bothered cleaning up his messed up room after Leo's little "episode" the night their father died. Stepping on the ripped bed sheets and magazine pieces, Raph opened his closet and went through his stuff; he found a rope and took it out, he tied the it around the horizontal bar he used to train with and stepped upon a chair (one that had miraculously survived Leo's attacks) and put the noose around his neck. He closed his eyes and thought about Leo; he wished he could apologize for everything he'd done to him, to turn back time and take everything back and to tell his brother how he really felt all along. It was too late. He opened his eyes and prepared himself to die; what he didn't expect was to hear footsteps approaching his room…_

"I wish I would've never walked in on you that night!" his eyes were glittering from the tears that refused to fall…

_Raphael's heart almost skipped a beat as he saw his big brother standing at the doorway and looking not even mildly surprised to have found him in that position. Leo didn't say a word; he just stood there and looked at him with sad eyes. Raph gazed into Leo's eyes, those beautiful eyes were a clever combination of silver and gray. he could sense all the pain and guilt his brother was feeling through his eyes; they were a mirror of his fragile soul. Just for an instance, Raph sensed something in his eyes; it was like a sense of longing and desperate need. The more Raph looked into them, the more he couldn't look away. Was he willing to leave his brother who was in dire need for love and affection alone? Would he betray Leo just so he could escape reality? …_

" If I hadn't walked in on you like that, you would've been dead by now and I wouldn't have to deal with you every day!" The turtle's voice was now above a whisper…

_Raph made his choice; releasing the noose from his neck , he slowly stepped down from the chair and ever so gently, he pulled his big brother into a hug for the first time since the accident. As he was soaking up his brother's presence, he made himself a promise. He swore on his father's grave that he would be there for his brother till the day he died; Raph promised he wouldn't leave Leo's side no matter how much he pushed him away. But how long could he keep that promise…_

" I hate you! I always have. Never doubt that. The only reason I held back all these years was for the family's sake and now that they are gone, well…there's just nothing left worth staying for." Leo said. His shell facing Raph so he could hide his was still dead silent.

"Goodbye Raph." And with that, Leo was out of the door. He had disappeared before his brother could see the tears that were streaming down his face. He'd disappeared into the shadows of the city, and the ones haunting his mind.

Raph was trembling; even the numbness of his mind couldn't help him from tumbling to his knees…He didn't know how much time passed, it could've been days for all he cared. The turtle stayed like that until his mind was able to work again; then he started to think.

He couldn't believe his brother would be capable of saying such things…Leo's words echoed in his head. No, it was impossible; that wasn't Leo. That wasn't the brother he'd lived with for seventeen years.

Suddenly Raph knew; he knew what Leo had been doing all along. The only reason Leo had been able to say those things was because he never meant them! The red clad turtle stood up and charged to the door, repeating his promise to himself over and over in his head…

"I'd made himself a promise; I swore on my father's soul that I would be there for my brother till the day I died; I promised I wouldn't leave Leo's side no matter how much he pushed me away; I'm going to keep this promise forever"

Raph wouldn't let Leo be **punished** alone; if they were going take the punishment for their wrong doings, they would bear it together,as a whole, as one.

But as the turtle ran through the dark alleys of New York City, a sense of foreboding crept its way into his chest…

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><p><strong>So? was is ok? OH, by the way, tell me . should stop making Leo act like a jerk? should I stop making Raph look like a brainless idiot? cuz that's not what I was intending to do!<strong>

**NEXT CHAP: mostly Leo's P.O.V  
><strong>

**REVIEWS ARE MUCH APPRECIATED!**


	7. Chapter 7

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: Hey everyone I'm back!Here's the next installment. thanks for the reviews and i hope you'll enjoy!**

_Italics: Satoshi's (donatello's) P.O.V on the fight._ and his thoughts in general.

**Disclaimer:(Only own TMNT in my wildest dreams.)**

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><p><strong>Chapter 7. Fear<strong>

**Fear**. a condition that can be real or imagined. It is a strong emotion that brings your worst nightmares to life. a mate, a companion. A painful emotion or passion excited by the expectation of evil, or the apprehension of impending danger; apprehension; anxiety; solicitude; alarm; dread. But what if you are afraid of someone who used to be your source of courage and strength? What if the one you used to dread, is now the one closest to you?

"What are you afraid of?"

Satoshi was pacing back and forth in his private laboratory. He couldn't calm his nerves no matter what he did and his younger brother's obliviousness wasn't helping him much either. He stopped pacing and turned to face his brother.

"What am I afraid of? Takeo, has it slipped your mind that we're holding our so-called enemies downstairs?"

"Of course not! They'll wake up soon enough and I'll teach them a lesson they won't forget anytime soon " Takeo said with a smug grin crossing his face.

"What, You're gonna beat'em up just cuz they tried to defend themselves? Or did you actually think that the red one wouldn't react after what we did to his brother? " Satoshi asked in a sarcastic tone.

"Blue already knew it was a lost fight; it's not our fault he chose to be an idiot and fought with us singlehandedly" He paused. "And why are you trying to defend them anyways? Last time I checked, they're the ones who almost had us brainwashed last year!"

"I know, I know! I jus..." Satoshi trailed of.

Takeo shook his head and crossed his arms. "You jus can't shake that mushy feeling you get around them."

The genius turtle sighed and leaned on his desk. "Well 'mushy' isn't the word I would've used but yeah. And I know you've felt it too."

After a few minutes of silence, Takeo suddenly stood up and headed for the door. "I don' expect anythin from you Satoshi; I'm already used to handling situations on my own, so don't sweat it… You just do what you do best; hide in your little happy place an' hope no one finds you." And with that, he slammed the door shut; leaving his troubled older brother alone with his thoughts.

Satoshi sighed deeply and fell back into his chair. Why is everything so damn confusing? He looked at the clock; it was 3:24 am. _It'll take another hour or two before the "show" begins_. The turtle sighed again and put his face in his hands. Now that he was alone and their prisoners were still unconscious, he had nothing better to do than to reflect on last night's events…

_It was a cold night. Clouds covered every corner of the dark sky like blankets. A few feet away he stood, looking like a fearless tiger waiting to jump at his prey. The turtle wore a blue mask; two nunchucks were strapped to his belt and a bow staff was visible from behind his shell._

_On the other side of the roof, Satoshi took a deep breath and tapped his foot nervously. I still can't understand father's reasons for sending us out here in our most vulnerable form. He thought. Their father had ordered them to face their enemies in their human form which was considered a great risk to the genius turtle. Who am I to argue with the great Ouroku Saki anyways? He knows what's best for us. Satoshi reasoned with himself._

_Next to him, Takeo was looking straight ahead. No signs of hesitation or fear visible through his deep blue eyes._

_"My name is Hamato Leonardo Son of Hamato splinter." The blue banded turtle suddenly spoke up. "I am the eldest between my three siblings; two of them, you took away and now…" Leonardo took out his bow staff and pointed it towards them. "It is time I returned the favor."_

_What is he talking about? I thought there were only two brothers. Did father lie to us? Satoshi's thoughts were cut short as his brother gave them the attack signal._

_The foot ninja drew out their swords and charged at Leonardo who was as still as stone. He didn't move a muscle even when their blades were only a few inches away from cutting his face. For a moment, Satoshi thought he'd never move._

_He couldn't have been more wrong..._

"Master Satoshi?"

Satoshi mumbled something and buried his head deeper in his arms.

Baxter stockman frowned and tried again.

"Master Satoshi, your father has called you to his chamber"

The turtle's head snapped up at hearing his father's name. "M-my father asked for me?" Satoshi asked in a tired voice.

Stockman shrugged and said "Well, it's no surprise. After your recent lack of participation in managing the enterprise; I'd say he's fed up with you"

Satoshi felt his blood boil. "Listen Stockman." He spat. "I might have a lower degree than my brother around here, but I still have my place as Ouroku Saki's son and as your superior" Stockman gulped and backed away a few steps. "So if you know what's good for you, you'll respect me!" Satoshi glared at him for another moment, then brushed past him and walked out the room.

As he was walking down the dark hallway he couldn't help but be grateful that it wasn't the confrontation room he had been called to. The last time the genius turtle was called in to that place, he made his brother commit a crime; the crime that was originally intended for him. Satoshi stopped in his tracks as he noticed the black and red symbol on the door. It was his father's room and the largest room in the whole building."

Satoshi prepared himself to knock but stopped when he heard some voices coming from Saki's chamber. He came closer to the door and sharpened his ears.

"I'm just wondering where you're going with this father. It's not like you to carry out such long term plans just to avenge your enemies"

_Sister?_ Satoshi thought to himself. _But what does she mean by a "long term plan"?_

"I'm done talking to you Karai . You are my daughter and you shall not question my methods. Now get out. Satoshi will arrive at any moment now"

Satoshi heard someone sigh and approach the door. He gasped and backed away but he heard his sister's voice again.

"They'll find out you know? Sooner or later they'll learn the truth about those two… and when they do, your end game would be compromised as well father"

_What?_

"If I remember right, it was you and you feelings that got in the way of my plans in the first place karai."

_The sound of footsteps got closer_.

"… That night, you thought that if you brought them back instead, the other two would be safe; that he would be safe…"

_Silence._

"Well karai, you couldn't have been more wrong!"

Saki laughed loudly…

The foot ninja drew out their swords and charged at Leonardo who was as still as stone. He didn't move a muscle even when several blades were only a few inches away from cutting his face. For a moment, Satoshi thought he'd never move. He couldn't have been more wrong.

Leonardo suddenly leapt forward and knocked all of the foot ninjas away with his bow. Then, he jumped back and dogged an attack that came at his head. The ninjas who were knocked off charged at him with their sword but, the blue banded turtle threw half off them off the rooftop with a roundhouse kick.

Satoshi could feel his brother's muscles get tenser by the second as they watched their men get beaten by the blue banded warrior.

The genius turtle's mouth almost hung open as he saw Leonardo walking over a crowd of ninjas like walking over a bridge and snapping their necks one by one with his legs. He was almost done with two-thirds of the whole group when it started to rain; but the small droplets of water didn't seem to cause any problems for the turtle as he pushed the rest of the ninjas off the building with a swift motion.

Upon the arrival of the foot tech ninjas however, the turtle, having many encounters with them, sensed their presence right away and immediately blind folded himself using his bandana while holding his bow firmly in his hands.

It didn't take long for Leonardo to be able to serve full kicks and punches to the foot tech's chests and prevent them from disappearing before breaking their skulls.

Everything was going smoothly for the blue masked warrior and almost every ninja who dared to attack him, died right away. But, Satoshi knew that sooner or later

Leonardo's energy would run low and so would his brother's patience.

The blue banded turtle had killed at least four dozen ninjas and was gasping for air when the elite guards arrived.

With Takeo's orders, the elite ninjas aimed their weapons at the turtle and charged into battle. The rain was pouring violently now. Leonardo's movements were getting slower and his attacks were sloppier but he was still seemed to be fighting with all his might.

Satoshi stood there and watched as Leonardo somehow managed to injure three of the Elites by stealing their weapons and using it against themselves. He turned around to attack the fourth one but no one was there.

Satoshi heard Takeo say something under his breath with a smile. But his smile was gone when Leonardo stopped the Elite's double bladed sword in the air with one of his nunchucks and plunged it into his stomach.

Satoshi saw his brother roar in annoyance and charge at the exhausted turtle with his sword; his ring slipping from his finger.

After that, everything happened so fast…

"M-mickey?"

Slash.

Blood.

A roar.

A red bandana shifting in the wind…

Everything happened so fast. Too fast…

"Well karai, you couldn't have been more wrong!"

Saki laughed loudly.

All of a sudden the door opened and a very upset-looking Karai stood in front of it. Satoshi didn't have time to hide so he just took a step back and gave an innocent smile.

"Greetings sister. I didn't know you were invited to father's chamber as well."

Karai was taken aback by the turtle's presence at first; But after a few seconds she cleared he throat and said, "Ah, yes. Hello brother. I had a few things to discuss with father, but I'm done now. You can go right in." She gave him a faint smile and walked past him.

Satoshi had sensed fear in her voice and from what he'd heard in that room, he knew something was going on.

"Ah, Satoshi. How long have you been here?" Saki asked from inside the room.

The black masked turtle stepped inside and said "Not long, just a few minutes." Saki nodded. "Why did you call for me father? You are aware that I have to monitor our enemies from the lab incase they start waking up-"

"What happened out there?"

"Pardon?"

Smiling, Saki went to his personal laptop and typed something in. "You know that I only arrived at the battle field when those pathetic creatures were half way dead" He waited for Satoshi to nod; Then he continued "I want to know how Takeo managed to stab him with his sword…before the red one showed up of course"

The Turtle sighed and tried to remember exactly what happened when his brother charged at Leonardo…

Satoshi saw his brother roar in annoyance and charge at the exhausted turtle with his sword, his ring slipping from his finger.

"W-well, Takeo and I were wearing our rings just like you'd ordered us to.

It was raining hard so… I guess when my brother charged at him, his ring slid down his finger for a few seconds…

_"You're going down turtle!" Takeo spat and reached for his sword but stopped when he heard Satoshi calling " Takeo stop! Your ring! I-it's falling of…your face!"_

_Takeo didn't care. He didn't care if he transformed back to his original form; he would at least show his real face to his enemy before finishing him._

_But he didn't expect to see the blue banded turtle drop his weapons and look at him with terrified eyes._

_" M-mickey?"_

_Takeo saw his chance…_

"Takeo revealed his face to our enemy for a few seconds before stabbing him and putting his ring back on" Satoshi looked at his father and quickly added " I-I'm sure the turtle didn't see much…It was raining after all."

Saki was rubbing his chin with his index finger; his eyes were darker than usual and his brows had turned into a frown.

"Did he say something? The turtle. Did he say something when he saw Takeo's real face?"

Satoshi considered telling him the truth at first; but he held back when he remembered Karai's word from earlier...

_"They'll find out you know? Sooner or later they'll learn the truth about those two… and when they do, your end game would be compromised as well father"_

"No father. Nothing." He had to keep this a secret; he had to know what his father's "End game" was.

Saki gave a small smile and said" very well then." He paused. "Let's talk about the matter at hand shall we?"

"The matter at hand?" Satoshi asked.

"The red one just woke up. He put an extraordinary fight with the two of you last night" He went to his laptop again and faced the monitor towards Satoshi.

The screen showed a red banded turtle chained from his wrists and ankles and hung to the wall. His head rocking back and forth.

Saki turned the laptop to himself "I want you to torture him, make him pay for abducting you and your brother last year."

All the coulor disappeared from Satoshi's face. "B-but what about Takeo? I think he would want to-"

"Takeo has his own job to do and believe me… He is enjoying himself right now" Saki said impatiently. He walked up to Satoshi and placed a hand on his shoulder "Make me proud my son. Go in there and make him go down to his knees and beg for your forgiveness…"

The sound of the red banded turtle's furious roars could be heard from the laptop's speakers. Ouroku Saki smiled at those sounds and tightened his grip on Satoshi's shoulder.

"You go in there and make him TALK."

The sound of his helpless screaming and struggling rang through the turtle's ears. He'd always been aware of his fears. He had always known about his phobias.

But now…He had just realized exactly how much he was afraid. Afraid of facing the creatures whom he was told were his true enemies…

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><p><strong>Let me know what you think.<strong>

**Next chapter: Raphael's P.O.V**

**Review plz!=)**


	8. Chapter 8

Hi guys! It's been over a year since I've updated this story and I'm very sorry about that. I had a lot going on in my life and I did not have enough time to write a new chapter. I'm not sure If any of you is still interested in reading this but I'll do my best to update new chapters more often. This chapter is more like a bridge to get to the crucial parts of the story so I apologize if this chapter does not meet your expectations.

As always Italics=thoughts/memories

Reviews are always appreciated.

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><p>Doubt<p>

The condition of being unsettled or unresolved; a lack of trust, and a point where one is uncertain or skeptical. It is the lack of certainty that often leads to irresolution. What is a person to do when he realizes that everything he once believed in is a lie? What if you were told that your entire life was simply a fabrication ; the means to aid a mastermind's evil plan…would you turn your back on the evidence? Or would you seek out the truth?

…

_I'm losing it_ Satoshi thought as he paced back and forth in front of the steel door; the door to where his enemy was being held chained to a wall, vulnerable, defenseless, and ready to be broken. His mind was a wreck, his battle scars were aching, and the smell of blood was still fresh on his sore body. The incidents of the past twenty-four hours were playing in his mind like a film; the disturbing thoughts causing him to shudder and close his eyes in search for solitude,_ I don't know how to do this._

He stopped pacing once he heard the sound of familiar footsteps approaching him, his tired eyes widened at the sight of his younger brother standing in front of him. What scared Satoshi wasn't the anger and raging fury that seemed to boil in Takeo's light blue orbs, but his hands that were soaked with a red liquid which Satoshi had unwillingly became too familiar with lately.

"What are you doing here?! The session started an hour ago, you should've been done by now!" the younger warrior said with a low snarl; the blood was now dripping from his hands and making red stains on the floor. Satoshi was too engrossed by the sight to

reply.

Failing to get an answer from his brother, Takeo shook his head in annoyance "Don't let your curiosity, or your petty doubts about those monsters get in the way of obeying orders Satoshi."

"Don't you ever wonder though?" the latter asked and approached the younger with careful steps. "Haven't you ever wondered why we where abducted by them? Or why father always asks us to hide our true identity even though we're from the same sp-"

"No! I don't" Takeo said sternly and started to circle the genius turtle as he continued

" Takeo, I'm not dumb, nor am I oblivious to those around me, but some things are better left in the dark, buried, and undiscovered. I am very well aware of the similarity between us and our enemies; however, unlike you I am certain of where my loyalties lie."

Takeo stopped in his tracks and put a firm hand on the latter's shoulder, bringing their faces closer together as he said " From what I understood from the blue one's words in the interrogation room, he and red have lost two of their brothers to our father." He waited for Takeo to respond but when his brother's expression did not change Satoshi let out a small chuckle and continued with an even lower, more menacing tone "If you knew this, then you should already know why they abducted us. They did what they did to us to avenge their keens' death."

The younger warrior pulled back and removed his hand from Satoshi's shoulder and continued "Don't let this be an excuse for you to spare them from their fate! What they did to us, the shame that they have put upon our father, and the damage they have done to the enterprise is simply… unforgivable."

As his brother took a step back, Satoshi's eyes suddenly caught a green triangular object that was visible through Takeo's blood stained hands. It looked like a piece of shell.

Takeo merely gave his older brother an amused smile and said "It's a present for father…If I were you I would also bring father a souvenir from the first session."

Satoshi stared at the younger turtle with a blank expression; understanding what he meant by a souvenir, the genius turtle was starting to feel sick. He watched Takeo walk away, leaving a small trail of blood behind him on the ground. Once he was alone, Satoshi leaned against a wall that was facing the interrogation room and closed his eyes. He felt as if a blank sleight had been pulled over his eyes and blocked his vision, his sense of reason, and his endless doubts.

_…Yes._

_…He is right._

_He's always been right, it doesn't make sense that we are somehow related to those monsters; I remember every single second of my seventeen years of life in this enterprise along with each and every painful experience down to their smallest detail. How could the possibility of having another life, another home, and another family than the Saki clan ever enter my mind when I very clearly, with no trouble or delay, remember my days in the clan as if it was yesterday? How can I wish for another past and furthermore another future, when Satoshi and I have been raised by Oroku Saki since the age of one? Wanting to be someone else as if the hours spent along with Satoshi in that training room exhausting our minds and bodies did not exist? As if all those days of going on missions and passing security tests to prove our rebuilt sanity and loyalty to the clan was merely a dream? No. It wasn't a dream, it was real. The childhood years we spent playing in Karai's secret pavilion, or that faithful day when we finally received our first bandanna and had our wrists marked as true ninjitsu warriors were real._

Takeo gently opened his eyes and took a deep breath; "This is real…My father, my beloved sister and brother are my true family… and the ones that are shackled behind prison doors? They are mere parasites who momentarily blocked my vision…"

He slipped his ring around his finger; a small smile played on his lips as he continued talking to himself in a low voice.

"…and parasites need to be taken care of."

…

_I won't accept this._ Raphael thought as he struggled against the chains that were tearing his skin. He'd woken up only to find himself battered and bruised and by all means, chained to a brick wall with nothing but darkness surrounding him.

He didn't know where he was or how he got there and his throat was burning from all the screaming but despite everything, the red banded turtle felt alive. From the moment he opened his eyes, a certain rush of heat had filled his body, it was like he was breathing again; the adrenaline had pumped through his veins and filled his brain with oxygen and ever so slowly, that agonizing numbness was gone and replaced by a horrifying rage.

Even though he was shackled to the wall and even though he was at the mercy of his enemies, the Sai-wielding turtle felt like himself again. It was that moment when Raph realized what those feelings could mean and for the first time in a long while, he was thankful Leo wasn't around to see him.

Eight hours. It had been exactly eight hours, nineteen minutes and thirty two seconds since he had opened his eyes. The red banded turtle was certain of the time because he'd been counting every passing second impatiently. He was waiting. Waiting for someone to come…

Footsteps approached…

crackle…

The creaking of the door…

He was waiting for his destiny.

Suddenly, the room became illuminated as two neon lights were turned on. A smirk crept on the corner of his mouth; Mickey used to call him emo whenever he did that. Raph smiled at the thought and gently opened his eyes so he could face the man in front of him.

…

Satoshi walked into the room with hands firmly wrapped around his ring finger. The sight of the red banded turtle heavily chained to the wall made him relax a little bit. He cleared his throat and prepared himself to face the prisoner.

"I was impressed with the show you put on with my brother and I last night" He said "No one has been able to resist our attacks for that long."

The turtle kept his head down and didn't move a muscle.

Satoshi gave him a short laugh and walked right up to his face, his mouth opened to say something but closed as he took a better look at the creature's face. Although his head was lowered to the extent that his eyes were barely visible, Satoshi felt a chill run down his spine just by standing close to him. Deciding that it was time to say something, Satoshi retrieved himself and took a few steps back for safety measures.

"Do you know why you are here?"

As he saw that the turtle clearly had no intentions of answering his questions, he paused and opened the folder he was holding.

"Hamato Raphael, adopted son of Hamato splinter, a member of a secret organized crime family that has actively acted against the Saki enterprise for years and is responsible for various assaults such as illegal trespassing through the clan's private properties, arson, embezzling personal and governmental funds, kidnapping, stealing gadgets and military ammunitions, and murdering countless foot soldiers"

After reading the contents of Han's and Dr. Stockman's thorough and detailed report on their enemies which they had accumulated through the sacrifice of numerous foot soldiers

And long hours of research, Satoshi paused and waited for a reaction from the red-banded turtle which never came. Instead, the turtle simply shook his head and let out a small grunt while still keeping his head low.

"In other words, you and your brother have been under our surveillance for quite some time now and your continuous crimes against our enterprise and the members of our clan has made my father, commander Saki very displeased" Satoshi explained in a dangerous tone; the pain and the humiliation of last year becoming alive in his vengeful mind.

The red banded turtle however, simply responded with a small chuckle and did not bother sparing Satoshi a second glance. Noticing the prisoner's lack of reaction to these accusations, Satoshi's patience suddenly left him and caused his breathing to become sharp and rigid as he once again stepped closer to the chained turtle; this time however, instead of backing away, the genius man pulled his hand forward in a quick motion and grabbed his enemy's neck with great force; pinning his previously lowered head to the wall with a loud bang.

Looking into his enemy's dark orbs he noticed that the turtle's eyes looked rather dead and appeared to bear nothing but sadness, desperation and rage. Maybe we're wrong about them; Satoshi suddenly thought. Maybe there's something else…

Before Satoshi could finish his trail of thoughts, he felt him self being pushed down harshly onto the hard floor while the red banded warrior wrapped the ends of his now broken chains around his neck, almost blocking his airway.

The turtle was now towering over him with his face only a few inches away from Satoshi; his body was shaking with rage as he let out a low, menacing growl. Satoshi's attempts to shove the red banded warrior off him were futile as he felt his vision blurring due to the tightening chains around his neck.

"Don-dona-tello"

"W-what?"

"THEIR NAMES WERE DONATELLO AND MICHELANGELO!"

The prisoner's rough and raging words were the last thing Satoshi heard before his vision went black and darkness engulfed him.

As Satoshi drowned in the sea of darkness that surrounded him, his body was taken over by a strong wave of uncertainty and doubt, and for the first time in his life, the desire to seek the truth and uncover the hidden secrets of his past won over the pain that stabbed his heart every time he laid eyes on his supposed enemies.

He was in doubt; a doubt that was soon going to be resolved.

_But at what cost?_


	9. Chapter 9

**Hello guys ! I'm back ;D *chirp chirp* lol yeah I though so :p**

**So I finally got around updating this story. Honestly, I almost forgot it existed but because it is still getting a few reviews, I became motivated to continue on with the story. The following chapter may be a little bit fluffy but trust me, you'll need fluffy once you get to the next chapter which is one of the HEAVIEST. **

**Disclaimer: Don't own the turtles...YET **

**Thank you for all of you guys who reviewed and favourited my story ! **

Chapter 9: Memory

Memory:

the mental capacity or faculty of retaining and reviving facts, events, and impressions, or of reflecting or recognizing previous experiences. The recollection of particular instances throughout a man's life is the ruling force that grounds him to the present while allowing him to build towards a future. For some, the past is a chest filled with joy while for others, it is a road signifying life's endless little twists and turns. For a distinct few, the past is a palate of colours; colours in various shades and hues, darks and lights that have been mixed and combined to form a delicate picture on a canvas called life. What if the once bold and bright colours combine to form a grotesque image of pain, sorrow, and loss? Can the canvas be wiped clean? Is there a way to reshape this tragically beautiful mirage?

_The sounds of laughter..._

_The sensation of cold water beneath his feet..._

"You can't catch me !"

_A voice. _

Eight-year old Hamato Leonardo was ecstatic as he ran after his hotheaded little brother in the narrow tunnels of the sewers.

His heart was pounding as adrenaline surged through his veins. He let out a carefree chuckle "You're too fast Raphie! I can't keep up with you!"

That was a lie. Leonardo had started training with his master and adopted father for a few months now; meditating, weight lifting, tracking...almost everything. He didn't want to think about training though. He could beat his brother when it came to speed anytime. Leo didn't want to do that either.

He wasn't sure if that was more for Raph's sake, or for his own.

Breaking out of his thoughts, he called after his brother when he stopped hearing his footsteps "Come on ! At least tell me where you're taking m-"

His heels dug into the ground to prevent himself from bumping into Raph's shell head-first. His brother had stopped running and was standing in front of him; his shoulders moving as he took deep breaths. The red-banded turtle slowly turned around and faced him. His face beaming with excitement and something akin to anticipation.

"You ready for this?"

"For what?"

"Look up"

Leo tilted his head up in confusion. His brother had dragged him out of bed that morning before sunrise and had demanded Leo to follow him into the swears. They were standing below a metallic sewer door. He saw Raph reach up and open the manhole cover; allowing the bright rays of sun inside.

"Raph what-" The red-banded turtle held up a hand to silence him and slowly moved aside.

A gasp erupted from Leo's mouth and his eyes went wide.

Beneath the sewer hole was a giant ball of crystal. Pieces of glass from empty coke bottles, light bulbs, plates and broken jewelry seemed to have been glued around it. Leo looked around in amazement as he saw various bright colours, parts of a rainbow being reflected on the walls; covering the entire tunnel in bits of red, violet, yellow, greens, and blues.

_Like a canvas_. Leo thought.

"Happy Birthday Leo."

Leo looked back and what he saw would be etched into his memories forever. His little brother, standing beneath the sunlight, surrounded by multiple rays of colour. His face radiating with happiness, pride, and hope. His mouth stretched into a wide grin, reminding Leo of when he was only three-years old. Innocent and pliant within his big brother's arms.

_Indeed a beautiful canvas. _

"Did you...did you make this?" He had a hard time forming words.

Raph shrugged and rubbed the back of his neck; a sign of bashfulness.

"Yeah...it wasn't a big deal. Just collected a few pieces of scrap here and there."

Leo smiled knowingly. It probably had taken Raph months to put that crystal ball together but he wasn't going to point that out. Instead the blue-banded turtle reached out and pulled his brother into a tight embrace.

Raph's body tensed for a second before relaxing and circling his arms around his brother's shoulder. Hugs like this became less and less frequent as the four of them grew up. They were supposed to be warriors...too much attachment just wouldn't do.

Sometime later, the two turtles were sitting at the edge of a sewage waterway. Their toes splashing on the surface, making ripples in the murky water.

"I can't believe I almost forgot my own birthday!" Leo exclaimed. Sighing contently for the first time after what seemed like a long time.

Raph looked up from where he was making little circles on the water. "You were too stressed recently. With all the training and all, it's like we rarely ever have time to hang out anymore I..." He suddenly looked down. His expression more somber. " I hate it when master splinter takes you away from us...from me."

Leo frowned. A pang of guilt forming deep inside him. "It's ...I can't do anything about that and you know it Raphie. The world out there is hostile towards things like us and it is my job as the eldest brother to be prepared, to train and work hard so I can protect all of you."

Raph stood up abruptly. His hands were formed into fists and his expression had turned sullen, accusing. "No it's not ! It's not your job to protect all of us, we're not some kind of cult Leo ! We don't have a leader... You're our brother and as much as I respect father, I can't understand why he purposely shoves all these new responsibilities on you like you're destined for it !"

Halfway through his brother's speech, Leo had also stood up and the two turtles were now facing each other " I don't know why Splinter is giving me extra training ! He tells me he senses something bad coming...a great evil as he puts it and that I have to be ready to face it."

"But you can't do it alone" Raph yelled.

"I have to. It might be dangerous."

"Like I care !"

"Well you should !"

" I need to be beside you !"

"And why is that ?!" Leo was yelling as well. Confused by his brother's desire to stand beside him at all cost.

"Because-" Raph cut himself off mid-sentence and turned around; facing away from his brother.

Leo walked around him and put his hand on Raph's shoulder; all the fight slowly draining out of him. " Why Raph?"

His little brother sighed and turned to face him. His eyes glittering with a mix of emotions Leo couldn't decipher.

"I need to keep you beside me because...because you make me into the very person I've always wanted to be...Braver, smarter, more patie-"

"Same." Leo replied. He had felt this way long before his younger sibling had.

It was In that moment, that the two turtles stood in front of each other with nothing but honesty and a raw longing to be with one another as brothers, and as a family. To fight side by side in battle, and to live life in each other's company; learning, dreaming, and sharing with the same passion as that of boisterous eight-year-olds.

That was a long time ago...and those who knew their tale, know that things didn't quite work out as they had envisioned it. Not long after, Leonardo became the team leader and earned the position of master Splinter's second in command. Training day and night in preparation for a long-awaited enemy. Raphael hardened himself both internally, and externally. He built himself up like a true warrior and gradually learned to conceal his emotions. His childlike admiration for his big brother gradually gave its way to annoyance, and resentment instead.

And as time went by, their canvas that was once painted with the colours of that distant rainbow in the past, slowly yet surely transformed into a tragic blend of black and red as the turtles lost Donatello, Michelangelo, and Hamato Splinter-their family-one by one.

_That was a long time ago..._

"Blue is finally waking up"

Leonardo blinked. His sight was blurry and his head throbbed. The smell of something foul filled his nostrils.

_It was blood. _

_Where was he? What happened to him? _

"Should I bandage his wounds master Takeo?"

_Master Takeo.._.Leo closed his eyes shut and let out a pained groan as memories of the past eight hours flashed through his mind like thunder.

"Nah, let him bleed out for a little bit."

"But..."

"He should've known better then to insult me as he did."

He remembered the battle on that rooftop, he remembered being captured, tied up and chained to the wall. He recalled all the things he said to his captor and felt the after effects of being tortured and beaten repeatedly by his attacker in every fractured bone and torn flesh.

"Is my brother done with the red one?"

_Raph ! Where was he? What had they done to him?!_ He tried to move his body but he felt his restrains like a brand on his muscles, preventing him from moving.

"He should be done in half-an-hour master. I have not received the details of his interrogation yet but I'll have Red moved to this compound as soon as master Satoshi is finished."

"Good. Now go request a meeting with my father." Takeo ordered.

"I have to discuss our next move regarding these monsters." His voice was low, dangerous, and filled with malice and pure hatred.

Leonardo couldn't move, couldn't speak, couldn't even think properly. He felt pain all over. He realized that he had been dreaming. Dreaming of a distant memory in the past that had stayed with him throughout these years. That one memory that he swore never to forget as he grew, changed, and evolved into who he is now. That one distinct moment where he felt utterly and completely whole, standing in front of his little brother's adoring gaze; knowing that he needs to carve every detail in his memory...because moments, instances, and impressions are fragile. They come and go without people fully realizing it and before they know it, they have painted a canvas...in the colours of a rainbow.


End file.
